Do you guys ever have moments where the …

Do you guys ever have moments where the thoughts are flowing from your fingers and down on to a keyboard? Judging by the amount of time I spend blogging, You all know how often that occurs with me 😉
Tonight after a long day I have some thoughts I’d like to share with you. Some of you know, many of you do not, but I have a father dying from Liver cancer. I don’t like to share this publicly, mostly, because I get the same obligatory messages from old ‘friends’ pretending to care and be there for me.. I don’t want your sympathy, I Just want your ears for a second.
Life is too fucking short to spend dwelling on hurt feelings.. get up off your ass, forgive and forget and move on. Not for them, but for YOURSELF. My father never liked taking pills of any sort, now he’s taking at least 12. He has one for every single problem, depression, swelling, pain etc etc.. all Designed to prolong the inevitable and drive up the bill for when he passes. I am 26 years old, and my children will never meet their grandfather (they are not born yet). How do I feel about this? I do not know. Really, I have no idea, I’m in shock. It all happened so quickly. All I know is, I never had a close relationship with my dad and now all I can do is beat myself up for it..I know it isn’t my fault but when you have a tragic/sudden death sentence put upon your father, its gonna bring out some shit.. Guilt, is the only thing my father is leaving me. Sure I inherited some shit…but its exactly that..SHIT.
I am dying inside from guilt..For something I had no control over…My parents divorce. Now Im sitting here drinking myself to sleep and holding back the tears.
“We don’t have very much time on this Earth. We weren’t mean’t to live this way..” Office Space

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One comment

  1. janell

    hi babe.
    i have absolutely no idea what you are going through, but i do know that you have a deep love for your father and your family. you’re right, life is way to short, and your dad doesn’t deserve to leave this earth so early. what i can do, is be here for you and listen. i love you very much, you are such a strong man:)

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